


Of Surnames and Hufflepuff Gangs

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-15
Updated: 2007-05-15
Packaged: 2019-01-19 20:50:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12417912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: James, sick of Lily referring to him as plain 'Potter', asked his best friends for a little something, but Sirius, being the drama queen he is, had to overdramatise everything. Oneshot.





	Of Surnames and Hufflepuff Gangs

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

_Prompt: 016: Choice_

 

Of Surnames and Hufflepuff’s gangs

 

“You want us to do _what?”_

Sirius’ expression could have made James burst out laughing if it wasn’t for the fact that he was being serious, for crying out loud, and how hard he was trying not to punch him straight in the face. Remus raised his eyebrow mildy, wearing a bemused expression, while Peter’s face remained blank, trying to let what James had asked for sink in. 

“It’s not that difficult,” explained James, trying to control his fist from going anywhere near Sirius. “All you have to do is call me—“

“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius broke off, waving his hand carelessly. “I did understand your petition, I’m not Peter” --Peter let out a cry, “ _Hey!_ ”, but Sirius pretended not to hear him-– “but what _I_ want to know is why the hell would you want us to do that.”

James bit his tongue and twiddled his fingers, avoiding Sirius’ stare. Instead, he looked at Remus, knowing that he at least would understand.

“Well, you see,” he started with hesitation, “I, um, I’d prefer if you started calling me ‘Potter’ instead of ‘James’, or ‘Prongs’ or,” he turned his head and looked at Sirius menacingly, and muttered, in a much lower tone that the one he had used before, “ _Jamesiepoo.”_

“But Prongs!” cried Sirius, eyes wide.

“I’m still trying to think of a reason so I can at least pretend I understand why you’re doing this,” said Peter, scratching his ear.

Remus, however, was smirking at James, and the latter would’ve bet on _anything_ that his friend knew already where he was going. 

Peter looked at Remus, and after a few moments, he whispered, “Oh.”

“What?” demanded Sirius, _“What?!_ What is going on here? Why are you being so secretive? What do you know that I don’t?!” Seeing as none of them was about to respond, he rose from his chair and held James by the shoulders, shoving him against the nearest stonewall. “James! Why aren’t you telling me? I’m your best mate! What kind of vile creature has invaded your body and where the bloody hell is my James?! Answer!”

Remus tapped Sirius on his shoulder, wondering if it’d be better if he intervened because James looked as if he was about to be killed by suffocation, for Sirius’ hands were now tightened around his neck, which was turning some sort of crimson colour. 

“Sirius…” he said, in what he expected was a soothing voice, “Sirius, don’t you think it would be best if you tried to let James breathe? He looks as if he’s about to die.”

Sirius’ hands hastily loosened from around James’ neck, and he folded his arms instead. 

“Oh.” It was now Sirius’ turn to avoid James’ gaze. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” James said, rubbing his neck with a pained expression.

“But James,” Sirius continued, “I don’t _get_ it. Why would you want to give up on the Marauders? On _us?_ You’ve found someone else, haven’t you? I know you have. I’ve been suspecting this for some time now. I’ve seen the way you look at that Hufflepuff gang. They’re the ones you’re cheating on us for, aren’t they? I knew it, I just knew it.”

James was indignant. “’ _The way I look at that Hufflepuff gang?’_ You mean the one with those cissies like Diggory and McCormack? You have to be joking! Oh my _G—"_

 

“Sirius.” Remus’ voice dissipated James’. “I don’t think James is cheating on us. I think the reason he is doing this is Lily.”

Sirius glanced at Remus, dumbfounded. “Oh, Moony, don’t be so naive. James isn’t that much of an idiot.” But after a few of what seemed eternal seconds, he covered his mouth with his hand. “OH, MERLIN, YOU ARE THAT MUCH OF AN IDIOT!

“I cannot believe you! You’re giving up on your best friends for a girl? And for _Evans_ , on top of it all?! This is unbelievable! You don’t deserve to call yourself a Marauder any longer! You’re plain Potter to us now! I might as well go and snog Snivellus for what you’re doing to us here. I should get you kicked out of school for what you’re doing, Potter. You have just voluntarily turned yourself into my most loathed enemy, even more than Snivelly.”

James gasped, one hand resting on his chest. Before he could even retort, Remus nudged Peter to do something. 

“Um, Sirius, I don’t mean to offend you or anything, but why are you, er, making this such a big deal?”

“Such a big deal? Such a big deal?! Am I the only one who’s left sane here? Am I the only true Marauder that’s left?” Sirius cried. “Moony, Moony, you haven’t left me for a girl, have you? You couldn’t have had, because that would completely ruin your no-dating-because-of-the-werewolf-thing you always use as excuse, right? Right?”

Sigh. Sirius Black has always had the knack of exaggerating things at its most. 

“Sirius, I believe you’re being completely irrational,” Remus said mildly.

“Irrational? Me? What is wrong with you! I’m actually starting to wonder what it would be like to be part of the Hufflepuff gang!”

“Okay, Sirius, that is just _too much._ ” James looked devastated. “I can deal with you snogging Snivelly, but the Hufflepuff gang? Come on, you don’t really mean it.”

“Oh, yes I do, mister!”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

_“No_ , you don’t.”

“Yes, _Potter_ , I do.”

“No, you—“

“Oh, will you cut it out already?” Three astonished faces turned to see little Peter, who picked up his bag and rose from the chair. “I wonder how I haven’t gone around the bend, spending so much time with you. You drive me _nuts._ I’m going to the dorm and see if I can try at least and finish the Potions essay due tomorrow.” And with that, he turned on his heel and left. 

James blinked a few times. “What the hell was that?”

“I have no idea,” said Sirius. “What is up with him?”

“I’ve never seen him act like that before,” concluded Remus, his brow furrowed. 

Sirius shrugged. “Was he serious about the essay being due tomorrow?” Remus nodded. “Damn. Slughorn said that he’d put me in detention if I didn’t bring it.” He looked at James dubiously. “You know it’s insanely stupid, what you’re asking us.” It was James’ turn to nod now. Remus lifted his head, listening curiously.

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed, messying his hair with his hand. “It _is_ stupid.”

“The why did you want us to call you ‘Potter’ for?”

“I don’t know. I s’ppose I thought it would be easier for me to imagine that Lily didn’t call me Potter out of hatred, because I’d know that you don’t despise me even though you started calling me by my surname... so I reckon it wouldn’t... bother me so bloody much.” He hugged his legs. “Argh, I don’t know. It was just so idiotic.”

Remus took a quick glance at Sirius and smiled serenely while Sirius seemed to ponder about something. 

The sudden noise of the Fat Lady’s portrait opening signaled to them that someone was just about to get in. James buried his head between his legs in a defeated way and growled at the sight of her, but she didn’t even acknowledge them, sitting by the fire. She just headed to her room.

James could feel Sirius patting him on the back. 

“Oh, come on, Potter, we’ve got an essay to finish if we don’t want to get in detention.”

Oh, the irony. 


End file.
